


And The World Was Gone

by ErykahChanel



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fear, Gen, Non-Linear Narrative, Post Episode: S03E08 A Heart of Darkness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 08:17:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14667062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErykahChanel/pseuds/ErykahChanel
Summary: Jace is struggling in the clutches of the queen of Hell herself. Little does he know, his nightmares have only just begun.





	And The World Was Gone

[Listen as you read.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMhfJS8HBKM)

* * *

 

Jace was scared. 

 _So_  scared. 

Alec had been there for him so many times, and he’d won. He’d saved him over and over, but now, not even his devoted parabatai was any match for the evil they were up against. Jace would’ve never asked Alec to defend himself - given the pacifist that he was - but now, all he could do was sit, and hope like hell Alec could feel the message he’d longed to deliver. 

 _Please, please, open your eyes and see what's coming_. 

Jace knew he could count on Alec to raise hell and high water to save him, but it wouldn't be just  _him_ Lilith took down. lf she needed to lay waste to everything Jace had so much as looked at to get him to comply, she would. She’d do it with a smile. As Valentine said, that was - and always would be - Jace’s weakness. Lilith had access to all the inner workings of his mind; all the things he’d kept hidden from Clary, from Alec, from himself at times. She knew who everyone was, who loved him...that was the heart of Jace’s guilt. 

Alec, the one who held a part of his soul, had been kept in the dark. At the time, Jace had thought it was for the best; he'd wanted to protect him the only way he knew how, because he knew how Alec could get when someone he loved was in trouble. Keeping him at arms length had seemed like a good idea, but now, Jace wondered if he'd been better off telling Alec the truth from the start. If he had, there might've been a way to prevent all of this. 

Clary, the woman he'd found himself falling head over heels for; the one he'd  _wanted_ to change and be better for, had been thrown off a ledge by his own hand. He remembered the moment clear as day. The feeling of her neck, delicate as a rose, caught in his grip as he lifted her up. He remembered the desperation in her voice when she said she loved him, and tasted the bitter lies that rolled off of his own tongue in response. 

Imogen, his grandmother; his last real connection to the family he'd been ripped away from, and never got the chance to know, was now dead in her office, lying in a pool of her own blood because of him. 

No one was safe. 

If he didn’t love any of them, they would’ve never been made a target.

Jace closed his eyes again, locking the dagger in a vice grip. 

_I’m sorry, Alec. I’m so, so sorry._

His chest tightened painfully, and he wished Alec and Isabelle were back with him, if only for a moment. Then, Jace would have the chance to push harder. He’d let his emotions get in the way last time; he’d been too overwhelmed with the sight of them, and terrified at the thought of losing them to give them proper instruction. With them gone, his intentions were more clear, and he  _needed_ them back. 

He needed them to come back, and do what Lilith wouldn’t allow. 

_Save yourselves, get out of her line of fire. You know what to do, you just need the courage to do it._

_You have to let me go._

He stared at the ground in front of him - the ground that Alec had stood on when he’d pulled him into his arms. The relief he’d felt in that moment was greater than any pain Lilith could inflict on him. 

He’d stood there, in the arms of his best friend, his brother, the better half of his soul, and felt  _safe,_ because that’s what Alec did for people. He put them at ease with the calm timbre of his voice, and determination in his eyes. Out there - in a world where everything made sense - Jace was a warrior, but in here - in a world of isolation and misery - he was a frightened young boy all over again, looking for his big brother to come save him. 

“It’s time to go, my owl.” 

Lilith’s voice wasn’t something one simply heard; it was something Jace felt down to his very core. Thousands of muscle fibers tensed and twisted, and his entire body responded to her call. 

Jace looked down at the dagger, and knew it was no use. He’d tried and failed too many times to count - he’d run out of time. 

_Alec was out of time._

All Jace could do was surrender, and allow Lilith to invade every corner of his mind once more. Maybe, if he closed his eyes, he wouldn’t have to see all the horrible things she was going to make him do this time. Maybe, if he remembered Maryse’s lullaby, he wouldn’t hear the blood-curdling screams of the mundanes as he possessed them. Maybe, if he wrapped his arms around himself, he’d be able to feel Alec again, feel safe again. 

Hell wasn’t a barren terrain beneath the earth, overflowing with lava and fire. 

Hell was having salvation in the palm of your hand, and losing it in the blink of an eye. 

Jace was certainly and undoubtedly in Hell, and this time, he didn’t think he’d ever be saved.


End file.
